I tossed and turned all night. I am finally asleep, then my teenager’s alarm mercilessly goes off over, and over at 6am, on a Saturday. I can hear it blaring from his room. I go in and he is fast asleep. I wish I slept that hard. I wanted to kill him, but hey he gets himself up to school everyday and goes to work every afternoon. He’s working hard. I forgive him. I go downstairs and figure out what to do with myself. I am starting off my day angry. My hip hurts from holding my 2yo all day, everyday. However, for everyones benefit, I decided to go out for a stress releasing walk/run. As I am running, I really consider running off into the sunrise and never come back. That’s the week I had. Everyone has said the time change has put their kids in a fit. I’m right there with you!! I broke down and cried washing dishes yesterday. Like where do all these dishes and laundry come from? I swear this little fat troll is coming out and adding extra clothes. The same one that steals socks in the drier. And when did I become so forgetful. I forget everything. I think toddler conversations are making my brain dull.

I am downstairs, writing, waiting for everyone to walk up. My husband and daughter are the first to arrive. I’m her favorite but I’m so tired. She can’t wait to get into my arms. She starts asking for things. Buzzz? Buzz? Buzz?? I can’t hold back, told her I hated Buzz(Buzz Light Year). My husband gives me a look, laughs, and politely tells me “um, you should probably tell me that, not her.” I’m bad. I’m telling a toddler I hate her favorite toy. Maybe the time change put me in a funk? When are we getting rid of time change? Not soon enough!

It’s Buzz and friends all day long. They are a collection of toys that needs to go with her and be placed in a certain way to fit her design. Otherwise her vision might be compromised into a fit of an artistic tantrum. She directs me all day long…I hate Buzz.

Omg, how do I not compare myself to other people? Other moms? My own mom? I feel like other mothers kill this game and I’m over here with god-knows what kinda stain on my shirt, frizzy hair for days, the same dull gym clothes I wear everyday, sarcasm and cursing dripping from my being. The fairy tail moms I’ve made up in my head are sugar and lollipops all day. I hate them too. I found one on Instagram. I hate-stalk her. She “looks” like she has her whole life perfectly put together. Everyday I’m like, damn how does she have make up on? Her hair done? And clothes that she just didn’t pull out of the hamper? And that smile it’s awkwardly over dramatic. I’m still waking up at 12 and she’s has completed about 50 things that would take me months to do. She must be manic or does lines of cocaine. I’m a horrible being right now. I need me some Jesus.

I have toddler jelly trails from one end of the house to the other. My 2yo bestie can only communicate in long drawn out whines. I used to save lives, perform CPR, deal with interesting patients, solve medical issues and problems. Now the only excitement is to decorate for the next holiday. As I am saying this, I think GUURRL you better start being grateful. I’ve come from and pulled myself out of horrible, horrible situations. I AM grateful but still want to cry. I am human. Can I be grateful and have a bad week? I think so. I am gumdrops and lollipops most the time but this was a bad week. It’s easy to forget all the good things when you are having a bad day.

My sound track for the day is anything Lizzo. She just makes my day.

What’s your momma soundtrack? How are you staying sane today?